Sometimes it’s hard to keep abreast with how fast things are changing. I like most of the things I liked as a teenager – sarcasm, spite, solitude. But now, there’s a caveat; I used to enjoy lying, whereas these days I’m a big fan of the truth. And the truth is, it’s time men stopped crossdressing.  If you don’t know what crossdressing is, then I only have one question for you: How heavy is that rock you’ve been living under?

The old liar in me would have shrugged everything off – but to whom much is given, much is expected. See, whereas lying was once seen as the bad thing to do and thus had a whiff of outlaw verve about it, now lying is actually sanctioned, about everything from the facts of human biology to ‘James-really-looks-good-in-a-dress’. Cancel culture and trigger warnings are the end results of dishonesty; the big lie that if someone hears an opinion or reads a book (or tweet!), they find disagreeable, their head will explode/they’ll get PTSD/they’ll never eat there again. Yawn.

Let’s point past the emperor’s clothes– to some naked truths in plain sight – crossdressing only looks good in Hollywood. When the Tv is off. Lately, I’ve been reading more about cross-dressing, a type of compulsion or need that some people, primarily men, have to dress like another gender, also called transvestism. It’s a Jekyll and Hude behavior that can be entertaining but also damaging and tedious.

The notion of a man taking pleasure in putting on a pair of stockings has traditionally been seen as ridiculous, woeful – and plain sinister. Now, it’s just annoying. Especially when he is rummaging through your underwear drawer for that green thong, turning an ordinary Eddy into an extraordinary Edith. And you thought you needed to be in a market to see madness.

Over the weekend I was watching this erstwhile comedian, now content creator, all up in makeup, fake eyelashes, and red lipstick housed in a body-hugging off shoulder dress with a soft voice to boot. I was impressed. And disappointed (and not just because his clavicles were hanging out in a macho aggressive way). It has come to this? I thought. Sure, let’s all be open-minded. But don’t be too open-minded that your brains fall out.

The overall look may have been too feminine for the more sartorially conservative, though I doubt the sartorially conservative male would be reading this column anyway.

Throwing down the gauntlet in an era where everyone is so sensitive should not be the hill I die on. Yet, here we are. And not even “free speech”, which is fast becoming anathema in today’s world, where having a challenging opinion is met with diabolical rage not so much as a last resort but as a lifestyle choice.

It used to be fun to see a man cross-dressing. When the instances were rare and in between and only for comedic effect. The days of Nyengese, the street comedians who we all laughed with (or at), or when comedian-turned-politician John Kiarie played Mama Lucy in the Reddykulass show. It was funny then because it was served in small doses. Now? It’s a bit much. Too much. This is a ‘hahaha’ joke has gone on for far too long, past its funniness and now is just huh?

But – it’s what is in vogue (hehe?).

What A Woman Can Do, A Man Has Already Done – and Better

Polite society may not agree with my sentiments, but like sticks, stones and too many dresses in my closet names can, in fact, break bones, proverbially speaking.

Lord knows I struggle to wrap my head around the personalized pronoun brigade who insist on being addressed as “they” and “them”, but I valiantly give my best to respect because it’s only polite. But feelings do not have automatic ascendancy over facts.

“For every woman who burned her bra, there’s a man burning to wear one,” a recent headline shouted. Oh, what folly. Who allowed this? Can we ‘cancel’ it?  See how absurd I sound? 

Maybe, credit to society that it is the fad (can I still say that…?), we do our best not to hurt one another by misspeaking. I feel it for the ladies. I really do. Admitting that you want a man who moves like a man — much less that you are distraught you don’t have one — seems like a betrayal of feminism.

To be clear, this is not about me discovering my femininity—or lack thereof. I’ve got that, and it would stay where it is for now. (Which is to say, safely housed in an inexplicable enthusiasm for the series Sex and The City). Yeah, yeah, there’s some man in every woman, some woman in every man.

Take it – how do lawyers say it – in the spirit of the law? In the way in which it is intended – an honest but factual observation. Men want to be in touch with ‘femmeselves’ — right down to the tofu and silicon and dyed hair.

With apologies to feminists, the average guy is delicate, wouldn’t hurt a fly, will probably marry the first girl that has sex with him, and likely ends their twitter threads with the drab ‘Let That Sink In.’ Or worse, ‘love and light.’

But this day was always coming. The apocalypse is nigh. The signs were there. And the four horsemen of death are filling their lungs with air, for one last hurrah as they prepare to blow the trumpets. We have reached peak modernity.

With their chiseled torsos, pink lips, and corned hair, men have become the new babes. If you are not careful, at 1am in the club, at that hour when drinking is no longer for pleasure, and men’s eyes are hollow and empty and carrying that wistful longing of days gone by, you may end up picking the lady-in-the-red-dress. Only to find out that’s actually a bro. And the dress was actually burgundy, just to be clear.

How did we get here?

What’s that thing those who say things said? Not everything that is popular is right and not everything that’s right is popular?

As men get more feminized, and ‘cuteness overload’ takes over the good old brawn, I have bad news for you: it’s only going to get worse. In a country where the youth unemployment rate (one out of every five youth is unemployed, highest in East Africa) is threatening to crack the ceiling, thus forcing men into more female-centric industries, brace yourselves for more lads aping the ladies. I hate to break it down for you, but, the genie is out of the bottle.

Before I am branded as a crossdressphobic (crossophic?), remember this word – masculinity? When I was young, (okay, younger), masculinity was a threatening word. It meant that you were going to be hassled for not liking sports or not wanting to fight. Now, masculinity is about rocking a dress and making it haute couture.

Maybe you should never judge a person until you walk a mile in her 4-inch heels.

They say clothes maketh the man. But we stopped being men. What happened? We became content creators. Man.

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