Like the rest of you, nobody told me moving in with someone’s daughter changes everything.
You realise Gloria Steinhem was onto something when she said power is taken since guest-turned-host usurped creative control, nay total lockdown of your house.
Because the Bible, Ecclesiastes 4:11 posits “How can one keep warm alone?” (Can I use that here?)—I have recently started spotting dresses in my closet. I’m not much into cross dressing so I can assure you they are not mine.
Lo and behold, the Chinese whispers are true. I have a lockdown roommate…and I am unearthing shattering revelations.
For starters, she squeezes toothpaste from the middle *shudders* and prefers leaving the toilet seat down. 2020 B.C. (Before Corona) I left the seat up because I always wait until the last absolute moment I can hold pee in then I rush like a nutcase to the toilet. This also explains a lot of my choices in life.
Plus—and I am not complaining—whenever she walks it’s like an earth tremor. I’ll tiptoe to the loo at night because I was raised well, but her? She literally shakes the floor. Thank God I stay on ground floor because.
Speaking of, she thinks it is romantic to pee with the door open but what she doesn’t realise is that ‘romantic’ and ‘pee’ should never go together. Oh, and she is even dressing in front of me, like from nothing. I can’t even finish that sentence without blushing. As you can tell from my handwriting, I’m really shy.
Plus she’ll bathe for 45 minutes. 45 minutes! What are you washing your sins away? And the way water is expensive in Nairobi!
The way things are going we are about to go Instagram official and answer couple questions on TikTok because just yesterday, my mother told me to say hi to her! I didn’t even know they were talking???
People have been asking “..mnapush??”… if you must know yes we are pushing, and with the way this lockdown is going, we are pushing each other away.
This weird thing happens because I am seeing her everyday I am just getting bored. It’s like having unlimited snacks at work; you just stop wanting to eat them (or so I am told by people with no self-control).
Have I told you that I am a smooth guy? RnBs are my jam. She prefers Kamande Wa Kioi. Or Franco Wa Subu. Jesus…just Jesus. Fifa20 game time has been replaced with KUWTK..and more recently Maria. I have also recently caught her listening to my thoughts.
And since Edgar Obare stormed Kenya’s showbiz, I no longer do online dating.
But it’s not all bad. At least now I have someone to gossip with. Besides, I’m learning to do manly things like checking if the doors are locked, eating from a plate, bathing every day..