Of Wagithomos, Agencies & Vilembas

Without Commitment, you’ll never start. Without consistency, you’ll never finish.

Denzel Washington

 

I work at a multi national advertising conglomerate. Ahaa. Yes, I know you can’t pronounce that word, despite all the master classes in twenging that you have attended.

Dear Lord, have mercy on your humble servants.

 

But this is not meant to be a happy post.

Normally, I’d have thrown a joke here and there, leaving you in stitches asking goddamn! Eddy, when do I come over so that we could tickle that funny bone(er)?!

 

Writing is not just an art it is a form of releasing. It is a catharsis to the soul. Ironically, writers are expected to be good open communicators, but the best writers I know have secrets that run deeper than the SIGIRI bridge. Or the Lee Funeral Home.

By the way who called it a funeral home instead of a mortuary. Oh it’s still a mortuary?

 

I’m hitting my mid-twenties in a few years’ time and I am scared AF!

Simply cause I haven’t got my shit together. Sure, I have a well-paying job with perks that I like to call ‘panty-dropper.’ My fren, when I take your girl out, she ain’t coming back. They don’t call me Mr.-Steal-your-Gal for anything.

 

It’s hard being a millennial where I work. I’m antsy. The guys are cool. The ladies are awesome, driving fancy fancy cars but hey they still give a shout out to a brother here.

The men, as usual smoke more holy herb than Moses. They tell me they have high standard. Sometimes I call of them Stephen, because the way they stone my guy, waha tu!

 

Long after I quit reading the Bible and turned to Mpasho and Nairobi News for my daily inspiration, I keep checking my age and what I have achieved so far, and I always come up short.

I am a Luhya, so you know coming, ahem, short is not really our area of trade.

Plus, come on, haven’t you guys heard? You are a virgin until you have been with a Luhya man.

 

I digress.

 

Nowadays I feel like I am underperforming. I have no expectations. Zilch. Nilo. Zero. Nought. Nada.

Many are the times I have thought of quitting. Copywriting is so fucking hard! And it’s worse if people don’t trust you enough because here we are dealing with big brands.

You know what sucks mots? Getting up and having to go to work and sit there doing nothing! Thinking all day like a think-thank with no tank.

 

It’s not easy yo.

 

Leon Rupia, God bless his soul, chimed that millennials are quitting the workplace because they are not seeking glory. They are seeking fulfillment.

If I ever there was a time to agree with that statement, it is now.

 

But I guess it’s all about putting in the hours. Trust the process, my man.

Reminds me of the akorino loverboy. Who knew wagithomos have a romantic bone?

 

They are probably better lovers than all of us Luhyas combined. I mean with that white thing on top of their head, you never know the charm they could be hiding.

 

If you are a wagithomo ouchea, tell me what is the secret to getting a good girl? Because in the 23 years I have ben on earth, I am yet to meet a single wagithomo.

 

Plus where do wagithomos work. I have been to three media station and two advertising agencies and I am yet to meet a single wagithomo! How do these people make their money?

Serikali inafaa iwachunguze. Ama namna gani, my frens?

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